Maya Michelle Hudson: Poem – Twisted Fate
feels like the darkness is closing in
The demons inside are eating away at my heart They’re hungry for more and more
Trying to swim but I can’t see the shore
So I kneel down on the floor
once I’ve found my way
But how can I pray when I don’t know
what to say
or how to express
that I should confess
I’m a mess internally
battling the voice in my head
telling me how wrong I am
wrong for wanting to follow my dreams
wrong for wanting to believe in what I haven’t seen wrong to think that things will change
wrong to think maybe everyone isn’t the same. How can I tell the voice to shut up?
“Just shut up already!”
I scream but does it hear me?
Does it see it is binding me to chains?
Chains holding me back from embracing love
and facing obstacles head first
holding me back from finding what quenches
By: Maya Michelle Hudson
my thirst for life
The name of this voice is fear.
She’s lived with me for years but only shows up
in insignificant times
like an itch you can’t scratch she is there
pushing me to break down
Everything around is supporting my new directions
but here comes fear spreading herself like a gross infection and I know I shouldn’t buy this product of hers
The product of self-rejection instead of self accepting
The product of negative thinking instead of positivity where is the possibility of joy?
Can I find it?
Will fear let go of the puppet strings by which she
controls my every thought and sound?
Do you hear her taunting me?
She’ll taunt you too.
There is no wall that she can’t break through.
I never thought I’d have to kill something so amazing….. She amazes me with her wit and skill of nit
everything she says has a way of sticking like glue.
Missing the days when I looked at the sun rays instead of clouds of a grey color
seems like there’s no other
but sometimes I see the blue
Tell me what can I do to get rid of her? She sees you too
with her large eyes
it’s no surprise that you’re not a victim
who are you? why do you ask?
Don’t you know?
You’re the me that she won’t let me show.
I let you out but she pushes you back in secluding you from the world we live in
I apologize you for your invisibility
I know that you are looking for tranquility One day she will leave and maybe her friends will too.
Who are her friends?
They’re a part of me and you
How can you forget anxiety?
Our new best friend….
She’s louder than fear.
Much more direct yet quite suspect
for she just came to us like a lobster in a net She claws viciously at our spirit
at our emotions
pulling them this way and that
I just want to scream “Chick go somewhere with all of that.” Does she know what is happening?
We’re not who we used to be.
No longer recognizing the girl that I see in the mirror.
I heard her whisper “I love you” to the reflection
but there was no detection of sincerity or sound
She can’t say with a straight face that she loves
everything that makes her her.
Even though she has everything she deserves.
These girls inside are very friendly.
Demons are strong and these happens to get along, and add a new friend all of the time. Their friend insecurity
is very new to me. She came with a vengeance
no dirty conscience. Attacking while young
“Everything is wrong with you Imperfection is the essence of you.”
is the song that she had sung.
She sings louder and louder in my ears Hard to block out the sound and the picture is crystal clear
from looks to brains
to friends that went and still remain Insecurity sings about each one Someone tell her to stop singing.
As I grow I see that there is light in the dark
and dark in the light
But where is the light in the night when the dark is pitch black
ad all I can do is face the facts
that maybe the demons are right
That maybe I never had my sight
but have been blind all along
humming the wrong song?
What if I am a screw up
can’t even tie a shoe up even if I trip
because nothing but pessimism spews from my lips even though I’m as positive as a proton inside